Have you ever had an AH HA moment? An epiphany? A moment of clarity that made you see things clearer? I had one of those moments today. Those of you who read my about me page know that I am married and that my husband is Chinese. We have been married for almost 6 year now. Before I got married I had this romance novel, hollywood love story idea about marriage. Despite the fact that both my mother and my father together have been married over 8 times. I grew up being shown that marriage was overrated and not something that an intelligent self-loving person would choose.
I guess you could say that my mother and father weren’t the best examples of love, marriage, and harmony. Even with that, books and movies made me feel like real true romantic love was possible and waiting for me. Life had other plans for me. Before I could find love, or before it could find me, responsibility took control of my life. It wasn’t until years later that I would discover that love didn’t make me a priority because I didn’t make it one. I was too busy for love and dating, and when I finally had time, love was to busy for me. Once I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and focus on me, love came. Okay fast forward. What I didn’t know was that marriage is a fulltime job. It is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year gig. It takes patience, communication, compromise, and so much more. It is hard work.
My AH HA moment. So one of the biggest challenges in our marriage is communication and understanding. Up until today I thought that my husband at times was intentionally ignoring me, and not listening to me. This has been the cause of many heated discussions. There are so many cultural differences and of course our strong personalities also play a role. Commuincation is important. We run a business together. We spend ALL day together literally. So the ignoring me thing sets me off quickly. We spend wayyyyy to much time together for that to be okay.
So today, as we were packaging the orders for the day. I told my husband which cookies belonged to which order. I placed them in order and told him 3 times which ordered belonged to who. Now no one wants another person underfoot when you are trying to complete your job, so of course I get out of his way. I handle the baking and he handles the packaging and shipping. Long story short, he calls me back into the room to ask me a question. I answer the question and inspect his work. I notice that something isn’t right. He mistakenly mixed two orders Now I made sure to tell him 3 times which cookies belonged to which order.
It dawned on me that he didn’t make that mistake because he had ignored me. it was because he didn’t understand. Although his English is near perfect, there are still moments that he just simply doesn’t understand. so from now on I need to make sure that he not only hears me, but that he also understands.
What a growth moment……
Be blessed my dears…….